I don't know how to do it for messages from a server, but you could control this with connection documents. Set you mail routing connection docs to route mail if there is 1 message pending, with a very short (5 minutes or so) repeat interval. That way, mail will route instantaneously, whether it is high or normal priority. If it is low priority (set by user), it will sit in the mail.box until the designated routing period for low priority mail.
Dig Deeper on Domino Resources - Part 6
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